Keep Your Pecker Up

Riding to work in all weathers has its challenges, especially during the Avon monsoon season. Recently some other ‘hardy’ souls have taken to riding their motorbikes to work and then hanging wet garments on the pegs in the changing room. Previously I had seen these pegs as my right of primogeniture, so was none too pleased to see some latter-day Jacob draping their Belstaff languidly in my ‘wardrobe’. I was even more displeased that the run-off from the jacket soaked my socks and shoes which i didn’t discover until i got home. I had to ride home in my Duchamp work socks. This may well be a first world problem.

One of the other problems faced by the hardy commuter is remembering to take key items to work each morning. The key items being socks and pants, the most important of which is clearly pants. Today i opened the Carradice on arrival only to find a pants and socks shaped void where there should have been fresh pants and socks. Normally I have a set of emergency smalls in my locker, but clearly at some point in the past I had used the emergency smalls and neglected to top up the cache. As a result, I had to go commando all day. It made me feel queasy. I am sorry to have to share this with you, but I am trying to ensure that no other cyclists experience the same traumatic experience I have had to go through today. Furthermore, I had an appraisal today. All i could think about was that I might be doing well why thank you and you might be pleased with my work BUT I’M NOT WEARING ANY PANTS. NO PANTS.

The forgetting of underpants is proper elephant in the work room territory. it’s not something you can share with your boss – “Oh yeah, everything’s fine, apart from I’m not wearing any underwear. How do you like that? Think about it, no pants’. It’s an undignified and solipsistic activity. I made it through the day, just about. I don’t like the fact that there is no margin for error. Life is much more comforting with a decent pair of pants. I also discovered that zips do up very quickly and can undo very slowly and painfully. I shall top up the cache on Monday to avoid a repeat.

This weekend sees base club on Sunday. I shall test the new Gorepath and the new tights. Cycling doesn’t get more exciting than this.

8 thoughts on “Keep Your Pecker Up

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  1. ahaha this made me chuckle this evening! and very true. I sometimes make life even more complicated by going swimming en route to work and on these days it always makes the need to remember important items even more vital… it is a horrible feeling when you realise you have forgotten something vital and have to carry on to work! ( I guess your boss doesn’t read your blog? )

    1. he might read it. i don’t think so. it’s not beyond the realms of possibility. i act under the assumption that he does. if i get a wry smile on monday or a funny look then i’ll know for sure.

  2. Are Duchamp socks some kind of Dadaist clothing, (one toe hole and odd sizes maybe) or just plain old socks with pictures?

  3. Actually, I find there is much fun to be had sidling up to my boss and telling him that I am not wearing any pants on such days.

    I live in fear of forgetting my trousers though.

  4. Brilliant. I too have forgotten to take pants and socks to work after my commute and have had to go commando. It can be liberating but equally, can be plagued with difficulties. My only fear is not the dreaded zip but the ominous stiffy that potentially could arise when the office hottie walks past my desk or, catches my gaze if I am in mid-canter down the office. I know I’ve got a stack on. She knows I’ve got a stack on. Life can be unforgiving at times.


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