The Dark Side

As a general rule, i have few principles or convictions. There are a couple that tend to affect the way I live my life:

1. I’m a vegetarian.

2. Mountain bikes make me feel physically sick.

You may recall that some time ago my ‘friends’ identified, correctly, that a classic stag-do humiliation would involve making me ride a mountain bike. This came in some distance ahead of being cling-filmed to a tree naked, or other derring-do.

As you can see from the image, they topped it off with a rather fetching-looking jersey. The experience was witnessed by all and sundry who happened to be out that day, and retweeted by the owner of the local bike shop.

Of late, I have felt this conviction waver in the face of the new-found practicalities of a changed way of life. I am embarking on ‘project dark side’, the assembly of an all-terrain bicycle suitable for transportation of a small child.

I have sourced a very cheap and old Orange C16 frame with a rigid fork It’s the best of a very bad bunch. I couldn’t bring myself to look at anything other than a rigid steel frame. I have embarked upon an ebay trawl and forum surf to see if i can get a job lot of cheap parts. I have already come up against a number of obstacles. Firstly, the dimensions of everything are completely whacky, especially the wheels. Secondly, I have no experience of fettling the type of things that need to be fettled on a mountain bike. Thirdly, and perhaps worst of all, these sort of bicycle-shaped obscenities usually come with a triple chainset. This is rank and cannot be tolerated.

I shall keep you posted on my journey into the Stygian gloom. With any luck it will look a bit like the one below, without the bar ends. And a slammed stem. And minus the goddamned triple.

8 thoughts on “The Dark Side

  1. Jon MacKinnon January 15, 2013 / 9:55 am

    What do you need? My dad currently has 6/7 retro builds, one of which he’s considering stripping back to frame/forks, as well as numerous other parts which would make do if it’s just something to carry said spawn on…

    • traumfahrrad January 15, 2013 / 10:06 am

      like most pub bikes or hod carriers, i suspect this one might end up a bit more spangly than it should do…

  2. john mills January 15, 2013 / 10:00 am

    most mtb ers now run 1 x something or 2 x … wield some allen keys and lo it’s a double …
    whether to lose the 22t granny or 44t big ‘un … now there’s the choice😀

    • traumfahrrad January 15, 2013 / 10:05 am

      that’s my intention… the newer doubles seem quite a bit more costly than an older triple so it’ll be a bodge job.

  3. matt January 15, 2013 / 5:20 pm

    i definitely have some old tyres and a saddle if you need any, possibly bars too. Not bling or proper retro but if you end up just wanting a hack bike they will be fine. I even have some pedals that came with a bike, but in honesty I would feel a bit bad giving them to someone I like.

  4. tejvancycling January 16, 2013 / 10:26 am

    If you really want to over to the dark side, try doing a road race on a mountain bike, wearing a time trial helmet. You should be able to annoy most types of cyclists doing that. On the plus side, you wouldn’t look quite as silly as in your stag do🙂

    • traumfahrrad January 16, 2013 / 2:04 pm

      or do a road race on a time trial bike. or do a time trial with a triathlete sleeveless jersey…

  5. Mike February 8, 2013 / 11:00 pm

    I swapped a Nigel Dean road bike for an Orange Evo2 in about 1999. It galled and frustrated me until I removed all vestges of gear changery and suspension. It is now single speed, magic geared with a rigid fork. And it’s fun again. Friends keep offering me goes on their full sussers, but I’m not having it.

    Vigorelli coming up next:)

    You’ll enjoy ferrying t’bairn.

    Mike

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