Rough Stuff: The Madness of Cyclo-Cross

Cyclo-grot. Winter sport of choice for filth fans.

This weekend i headed out to the Odd Down circuit with Trotters (of Hamilton Wheelers fame) to spectate at the club’s nominated trophy event. Cyclo-cross is spectator-friendly; the race is usually on and around a short circuit, comprising of about 8 to 10 laps. All the hardy onlooker has to do is stake out a suitable location and wait for the filthy, mud-caked racers to come past. It was lovely and claggy under tyre; creating challenging conditions for the (fool)hardy bike riders. Trotters and I watched the enormous field charge away from the flag; there were a hundred on the start sheet, an almost incomprehensible figure that suggests the numbers opting to ride competitively is on an exponential upwards curve. Good luck gaining entry to Cat 4 circuits next season, newbies.

After a lightning quick blast along the road race circuit, the peloton squeezed through a tiny gate and headed into the wilds. Therein followed a classically circuitous meander through scrubland before hitting up the bmx circuit for a few endos and some spicy 360s. After that it was down to the woods for a bit of proper sketchorama offski, followed by a deadly climb up a slippery slope. Arch-Cross supremo, Charles Coleman, designed the course and threw in a couple of hurdles at the end. It was a right derailleur-breaker and there was a satisfying number of strange and terrifying mechanical problems, mostly caused by the dense layer of clag coating any exposed metallic parts.

Greener gets serious and takes his bike for a walk in the woods

It was savage and exciting to watch; a stream of riders mullering it into a state of exhaustion, coping with the conditions and the terrain with varying responses from the fatalistic to the exhilarated. I took it upon myself to cheer and heckle uproariously, getting into the spirit of the ‘cross and waving the cowbell with violent abandon. Somehow Trotters and I managed to find a prime spot in the middle of the course – and by ‘middle of the course’, i mean in the actual middle of the course: hiding behind a tree with racers passing on either side, ambushing them with nothing more than a camera, cowbell, wooden spoon and saucepan.

Helping Tom with some kind words

Dave Atkinson joined us halfway through, then a few other people who were at first diffident, before suddenly getting into character, cheering and jeering in equal measure. Those who managed to ride up the short but impossible climb received the biggest cheer.

Me, Trotters, Big Dave and Charles give it ‘more cowbell’

I made a short and slightly old-school audio slideshow. It would have been a lot easier to make a video, but i’m nothing if not anachronistic.

8 thoughts on “Rough Stuff: The Madness of Cyclo-Cross

    • traumfahrrad November 19, 2013 / 6:33 am

      One of your clubmates features at the beginning…

  1. Human Cyclist November 19, 2013 / 9:38 pm

    That first picture makes me want to cry. Bikes are for keeping clean and staring at, not using! I’m guessing cross bikers don’t worry too much about the whole “I’m not using a hose in case I get water in my bearings” debate.

  2. adamef November 20, 2013 / 10:56 am

    Love it. Great to to watch a video that gives you the atmosphere of the event. Not having to endure the latest blaring pop crap muzak over the top too. <<< bloody hell, I'm getting properly old aren't I .

    • traumfahrrad November 20, 2013 / 8:45 pm

      I have a director’s cut featuring yoof tunes and syncopated beatz. SIK.

  3. SevernJ November 20, 2013 / 12:16 pm

    Long-time reader of your blog pj – great stuff!
    I was riding and it was the maddest most slippery mud-fest I’ve experienced to date. Your write-up sums it up perfectly. 2 hours bike cleaning for an hour race sometimes makes me question the wisdom of it all but this one was so much fun. Thanks to the BSCC mob in the woods for adding so much to the atmosphere!

    • traumfahrrad November 20, 2013 / 8:43 pm

      The ratio of bike cleaning to bike usage is quite high.

      It was a brilliant race, well done for surviving. Warmley next!

  4. AnalogueAndy November 22, 2013 / 1:35 am

    Thanks Paul. The video is just brilliant. Captures just eveything perfectly. Even those changing rooms! (Sadly due for demolition next year – we’re going to great a fantastic new sports pavilion to use instead)! So many people said it was the best ‘cross event they’d attended (And no, they weren’t all rookies!). That in large part was due not only to the frankly astonishing 100, yes 100! riders in the main race (I was hoping for 50, maybe 60 at a push) but also the loud and enthusiastic crowd. We could hear the heckling, sorry ‘cheering’ in the woods on the start line. Thanks for making it such a great day

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