No Excuses

As a committed racing cyclist who was recently become reacquainted with the form, I’ve noticed the exponential increase in cycling is accompanied in equal measure by an increase in purchases. I thought I’d broken the habit and even discovered that my platinum discount with Wiggle had run out. Alas, it was simply because I wasn’t racing.

The issue with regard to any deep-seated problem, like the obsessive purchasing of shiny cycling bongo, is how to conceal the ‘illness’ from friends and loved ones. This is the point at which the deception begins. Herewith are two of the  recent excuses I have heard from similarly-afflicted people. These do not include the ‘arrange delivery to work, sneak it into the house, hide the box in the shed and eat the haribo at once‘ approach.

Excuse 1:

“I had to get a new disc wheel. The old one was lenticular, which was all the rage about 5 minutes ago but has since been superseded by a quicker wheel with a wider rim and toroidal profile. I couldn’t get out of not buying it. When it arrived in the house I put it beside the dining room table for a week and told the husband it was a lazy susan for when we have the in-laws to stay, I’m going to cook dim sum.”.

Lazy-COLLAGE
Spot the Difference.

Excuse 2:

An erstwhile colleague who bought home a brand new, super-expensive Bongo-helmet from the bike shop one Saturday afternoon.

“What is that?”

“That? What? That’s nothing.”

“That, there in the box, the box with Kask written on it, which might as well say ‘kid’s inheritance spent on Dad’s mamil-bongo’.

‘Oh that! That’s an aero-helmet. It’s by Kask. It’s normally super expensive. I went in for an inner tube and when I paid for it this klaxon went off and they told me I was Sigma Sport’s 100,000th customer and gave me a Kask Aero-helmet.”

 

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5 thoughts on “No Excuses

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  1. I’ve got a fair amount of bling kit I’ve accumulated, carbon frame, deep rim wheels….the ones beginning with Z, well ‘bongo’. This year I’m trying a new approach, it’s called 1975. I’m only training & racing on steel, only measure of it all is a watch. My response to friends who were bigging up there power meters…….basically indicating I should be investing was ”try turning the pedals a bit harder, I went on to encourage them to join the foreign legion
    .

    1. I read a book about the foreign legion when i was at school. we all read it. It was amazing. I then saw the Dolph Lundgren film or something when he joined up to escape a bad deal. I feel like I missed my calling.

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