The Dark Side

As a general rule, i have few principles or convictions. There are a couple that tend to affect the way I live my life:

1. I’m a vegetarian.

2. Mountain bikes make me feel physically sick.

You may recall that some time ago my ‘friends’ identified, correctly, that a classic stag-do humiliation would involve making me ride a mountain bike. This came in some distance ahead of being cling-filmed to a tree naked, or other derring-do.

As you can see from the image, they topped it off with a rather fetching-looking jersey. The experience was witnessed by all and sundry who happened to be out that day, and retweeted by the owner of the local bike shop.

Of late, I have felt this conviction waver in the face of the new-found practicalities of a changed way of life. I am embarking on ‘project dark side’, the assembly of an all-terrain bicycle suitable for transportation of a small child.

I have sourced a very cheap and old Orange C16 frame with a rigid fork It’s the best of a very bad bunch. I couldn’t bring myself to look at anything other than a rigid steel frame. I have embarked upon an ebay trawl and forum surf to see if i can get a job lot of cheap parts. I have already come up against a number of obstacles. Firstly, the dimensions of everything are completely whacky, especially the wheels. Secondly, I have no experience of fettling the type of things that need to be fettled on a mountain bike. Thirdly, and perhaps worst of all, these sort of bicycle-shaped obscenities usually come with a triple chainset. This is rank and cannot be tolerated.

I shall keep you posted on my journey into the Stygian gloom. With any luck it will look a bit like the one below, without the bar ends. And a slammed stem. And minus the goddamned triple.

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